Stop Forcing, Start flowing: Why forcing things can often repel the very outcome you most desire

03 July 2017

Have you ever come across those people that just seem to have luck in their favour…but all the time…as in everyday, always!!! No matter what, things seem to always come together for them – and the weird part is that they are so chilled, almost nonchalant in their approach to life. Conversely, there’s your everyday…blood, sweat and tears, giving life your all, pushing, working to the point of burnout, trying with all your might to make your dreams a reality – and yet something seems to always get in the way?

WHY?!?! Why isn’t it going your way? Why is it so easy for some and yet so difficult for you – despite all your best efforts!?!

Makes no sense right?......Hmmmm well, not quite!

Let me let you in on a little secret, and I can truly vouch for this one because I’ve been there!

For starters, in the rule book that governs our culture, action is always deemed “better” than inaction. Being super busy and stressed and over worked is valued (madness isn’t it?) Our social constructs equate Inaction to laziness, indifference or worthlessness. Inaction is “what couch potatoes do”. Or so we’re led to believe.

Go-getters, on the other hand — they conquer the world right?! They achieve greatness, they win big, they get it all.

And so a simple equation is born:

Doing > Being = the value judgment of our world.

For centuries, spiritual leaders have been telling us to LET GO. Not to cling and struggle and strive, but to “let stuff happen”…”let go”…”let life flow”…”be open”. And yet our social norms dictate the complete antithesis…if something happens, we need to be on it…problem solving, fighting, pushing, resolving. It goes without saying that letting go and adhering to these socially entrenched norms are in direct opposition to one another.

We are taught that anytime anything happens that we don’t like, we HAVE to DO SOMETHING about it. Never mind what that something is, we’re just supposed to stand up and act in order to take control (or at least appear to be taking the reigns). Perhaps this stems from our inherent need to control.. to lead…to dominate – nothing must be left unknown; all must be controlled and conquered.

But here’s where our modern way of thinking falls flat:

No matter how you slice it, “not doing” has a crappy connotation.

Now lets challenge this modus operandi for a second - what if life really is about going with the flow? What if we’re meant to leave desperation and struggle and control behind? What if we’re only supposed to take inspired action — action that feels natural, and comfortable, and FUN?

In my very own life, I’ve seen this at work many times. The moment I stop TRYING so hard to make something happen, or have or be something, the very goal I am working towards tends to flow right into my experience. In other words, things work themselves out much better on their own, and in their own time, than they do when I try to push or force them to. It’s a very weird phenomenon (perhaps only weird because our norms make it to be so), but it really does happen this way…sometimes it is in surrendering, that we find the outcome we most desire.

What’s tough though is not getting caught up in the struggle…sometimes it just happens upon us – its our autopilot response to all situations so inevitably we end up straight back in the struggle. The secret is, catching ourselves in it, and reminding ourselves to release our steadfast grip on the situation, and instead allow things to flow.

Now I am not saying here that we just just sit back and do nothing at all; it is more about working towards nautral flow and action, not forced action. You can actually feel when your “doing” is forced – this usually comes with anxiety, stress, confusion, panic and turmoil. When your actions are in natural response to the flow of tha which is happening around you, you feel calm, comfortable and at ease – and this is what we need to work towards. I personally haven’t mastered this yet, it’s a work in progress, but I am able to recognize when I am forcing action versus when my actions flow naturally. Ironically – trying to force mastering this process is also not going to get you where you want to be, so again, let it flow naturally – be open to finding that state of flow, don’t force or push it – just be open to it and it will flow in naturally.

And this too applies to any change you want to make – be it career, your weight, getting fitter, being happier, what ever it is – have the intention, be open to the change and then let it happen — naturally. No force, because force only causes resistance.

In my heart, I know that letting go is the answer to everything. When we flow with the current instead of against it, miracles happen. Life works out the way it’s supposed to. That’s how every other creature on earth operates – and they get by, more than ok! We are the only species who tries to control everything in our path, and we need to learn that the universe doesn’t work that way. The universe is way bigger than us, so instead of trying to control it, lets acknowledge that we cant, and instead flow in synchronicity with it!

The key, I believe, is to surrender. Instead of attempting to orchestrate everything around us, we can open ourselves to the unexpected. We can let things happen, instead of trying to make things happen. Butterflies and flower buds and babies in the womb don’t FIGHT to grow into what they are — they simply unfold. Perhaps the rest of our lives are meant to unfold in exactly the same fashion.

So struggle less, surrender more, and allow life to flow!

….That’s when WOW happens.